bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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