I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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