I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
