If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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