I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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