i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
