my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
