fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
