My room smells like vodka and shame
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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