That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
3 2 1 whiskey
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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