I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When are your genitals available?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
