I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
