Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
