We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
