So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
