she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
