he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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