Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
