Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
