I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
