that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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