What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
