Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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