I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
