Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
