we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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