what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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