My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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