I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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