Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
