If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
