Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
