I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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