found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the day after is always just damage control
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
