there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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