At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
