Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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