Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
