then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
