That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
