Swine flu. Run for my life!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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