My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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