I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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