There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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