Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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