He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
