I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
