A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
