I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
