That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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