Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
